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Iunderstand now it was called a bodycon midi dress. It was black with afloral pattern that ran from the right shoulder across the chest towardsthe left hip. The pattern looked slightly like a beauty queen's sash.What would it feel like to wear it I wondered? I took off my tee shirtAnd unzipped the dress and took it off the hanger and then stepped intoit. I couldn't do it up and was looking at myself in the bathroom mirrorwhen I heard a knock at the door.I went to the spyhole and noticed it was Victoria and she had brought somebags with her. Hopefully my male clothes! I remember thinking."Quick come in!" I said turning my back and moving away from the door togo and sit down on my bed. But Victoria intercepted me before I got thereand did up the zip on my dress."I don't want to wear a dress," I told her."Then why did you put it on?" she countered."Er I wondered what it would feel like -" I replied."To wear a dress because you wanted to wear it, didn't you?" she finishedmy. She had also been out shopping and her purchases were on the kitchen table. She must have come home and simply collapsed. I rang for the ambulance and travelled with her in it to the hospital. The paramedics in the ambulance kept doing things to her but said nothing. It wasn’t until we got to the emergency department in the hospital that I was told that Doris was dead. ‘Dead on arrival,’ was the official verdict, but for me, dead from my life was the real conclusion. It was an undiagnosed heart problem that brought her and, so I thought, my life to an end. That’s how I saw and felt it to be at that time. Without Doris in my life I was in what I thought of as ‘The Valley of the Shadow.’ It was as if half of my self had been torn away, and there was a great gaping emotional wound. For almost a year I shut my self away from the world, only sallying out of the house to buy food and other essentials. We had no children and as for the rest of the family and friends, I didn’t want to see.
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