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Little snippets of important events. The good times, the bad times, the sad times, the glad times. They all came to me again. Not like an image. No, not like that at all. Too clear. Too poignant.It was as if I was living them again briefly. I could feel my lips move, my body react. I could smell smells. Feel feelings. They went by.I was ten. We were in our apartment in the Bronx. My dad was drinking. Drinking hard, like he always did. He was screaming at my mother. She was screaming at him. I was cowering in the closet. I was terrified. I could feel the door vibrate as he yelled and yelled.Then I heard a crash, I felt the scream, I heard the thud of my mother falling to the floor, an eventually fatal concussion from the whisky bottle my father hit her with. He went out the front door, slamming it. I got out of the closet and looked at my mother there on the floor. Not dead yet.But she was by the time the police the neighbors called got there.I was eleven. I was sitting on a bench in. I guess that's the way I am!Right enough, as the doorman opens the door, I can see them from where I am standing - an expectant look on their faces. But dinner goes quite normally and I am surprised to find myself heaving a sign of relief as I drive myself back home to the apartment.There is a sort of bridge on the way, where she loved to stop and gaze at the still waters. I had slowed down and realized I had stopped. I often seem to get into these 'memory-lane' routes these days, don't I? Maybe in my own way, I am trying reach the point of wanting to reach out for her. There was this time when we were holding each other and standing by the bridge. Not much traffic passes this way as it is almost private - and it only leads to a residential area eventually. We chose that area to be away from the noise of the city. Not that it was that far... but it gave the nice illusion of being isolated.She was wearing a red tank top with nothing on underneath and a black and white wrap-around.
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