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I need help, but there's no one for me to call. And who would respond? I have done this to myself.There's a bed a few feet away, but I won't sleep in it. The thought of all the lost souls wasting their existence on that infested mattress saddens me. The prostitutes and their johns. The drunks pissing themselves. The addicts shooting their fix into their veins.It's not any belief that I'm better than them that makes me choose to not sleep there. No; I belong here. I am just as lost as any alcoholic, junkie, or whore who has ever stared at these same four walls.The reason I choose the floor is because I am alone.I wasn't always like I am now. I once believed in the faithful heart. I believed that I was a good man, a good husband. I believed that I loved.I believe none of those things now.I have been married for 10 years to the most wonderful woman I have ever known. Our life together had been good. She didn't deserve what I did to her.Up until three days ago I wouldn't have thought it. Although still foggy from the wine the night before, Jan remembered her attempt at seduction. The stickiness between her legs gave testament to her solo cum just before nodding off. As she showered and got ready for the day she kept replaying the events of the previous night in her head. ‘The truth,’ she admitted to herself in a soft whisper, ‘is that I feel foolish. Obviously my imagination and my extreme horniness made me believe that Jacob was watching and could possibly be interested in me. Why would he want to be with me, a pathetic loser, anyway?’ As usual Jan was very hard on herself and her self esteem was very low. For so many years she had failed in so many relationships and still hadn’t found her true calling in life. Jacob, on the other hand, was successful in business, love and life from her perspective. ‘He wouldn’t be interested in me,’ she reiterated sadly as she left her room and started down the stairs. As she made her way to the kitchen to make coffee, she.
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