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There were scantily clad chorus girls. Sammy Davis, Jr. would be singing and dancing. What a rush. And of course, the original Kung Fu was a must-see.Our bedroom was on the first floor across a hall from the living room. We had this terrific front porch. It was huge, the perfect place to sit out on a summer night, get high, and watch the teenagers cruise up and down Main Street. And there were these big windows on the front of the house that came down almost to the floor.I was sitting on my bed with a joint, preparing for Thursday night TV. The kids were bathed and in bed. Kung Fu was going to start any minute. Life was going to be good. I had the shades pulled on our windows about three-quarters of the way down.Sitting there I suddenly heard the distinctive sound of someone walking onto my porch. I looked up in time to see a pair of legs move past my window towards the front door. And those legs were wearing blue pants with a yellow stripe down the side!My life was passing in front. Then there is a special kind of chaos where, hopefully, the training you got keeps you from getting dead before the other guy either gets dead or runs away. The key is adapting, improvising, and overcoming the problems that will get you killed. But you're not trained that way. Instead, you're trained to do A, B and C, in the hopes that it's the best plan, when the time comes.So Bob's days were very structured, and he had plenty of familiar things to do.Except it just wasn't the same.To his chagrin, every time he saw a pretty teenage girl of the roughly thirteen year old variety, he imagined her naked, in the sleeper of Santa's sleigh. Whoever the girl was, she wore Gwyneth's face in his imagination, so it wasn't like he was lusting after barely pubescent teenage girls. But he couldn't keep her out of his mind.To be fair, he also thought of other elves he'd met on his brief sojourn to the North Pole. Gobelon's frowning face was there, in his brain. Behind it was that pretty.
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