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Denise didn't hold eye contact very well....which was good because I could look down on her sweaty breasts. Afterwards we went outside to cool off and to chat without yelling into each other's ear. We talked about our majors, where we were from, our families and why we chose the college. On that, we both had the same answer. We both wanted to go somewhere we didn't know anyone and treated it like a clean slate. We went back in and danced until it ended. We went back to my dorm and hung out listening to music. We talked some more and then I made the first move to kiss her. Denise stopped me to take off her glasses then we continued. Her lips were soft. We started touching tongues gently, playfully. I had my hand on her bare thigh, moving it slowly back and forth..just going underneath her skirt. Moving further and further up it. She had one hand on my chest and had moved it down my abdomen. She slid her hand down inside my jeans. I sucked my gut in so she could reach me. Denise's. But I couldn't take the thought of keeping her caged in unhappiness when she deserved to be someone's one and only. To be someone's dearest love and not just my "second choice." After I succumbed to my foolish weaknesses, our relationship became obsolete. There was nothing to try and save, no matter how much we both wanted to make it all work out. I couldn't make her happy and setting her free was the best thing I could do for her. Even if it did hurt the both of us. It's better this way though. I can't even make myself cheerful at the littlest things now. How was I going to maintain a happy relationship when I'm hell bent on giving myself nothing but punishment?It's so sad that I let someone break me like this. Causing my life to turn upside down and make me hate life as well as myself. I can't even believe in myself anymore. I've lost the desire to create and bring laughter to others. I can't bring myself to want anything, to hope or even love.I don't deserve love anyway, not even.
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