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How was I to know it belonged to the British Consul? Okay, there were a few other things, like, you know, picking up some money people left laying around. In their back pockets. And why can't I have a drink or two? Drunk and disorderly, my eye! Anyway, there I am in front of the magistrate, who was reading out a great long list of things. First time round, he gave me Community Service. Like I was going to waste my time listening to old ... people ... rattling on about stuff that happened long before I was born. Second time, he tried making me work in a dress-shop. Well, after the second dress was messed up – I can't sew for shit, even if I wanted to work – I was back in front of the bench and he sent me to prison for two years! Two years, I ask you. I didn't worry too much about it – two years sitting around getting three square meals a day doing nothing didn't seem like such a bad deal.Until I got there and they explained what was expected of me.I told them, I'm not a whore, they. "Well, gentlemen," I said, "d'ye like to go gallopin' on a mount thin and rangy," and I stretched an arm out and tried to raise my breast to the very edge of my open shirt without breaching the censor's rule, "or d'ye like to ride o'er round and soft hills," and now I grabbed Amelia's buttocks and pressed her hard against my leg, and she let her head fall back in simulation of the Tingle, and moaned with each gallop she took upon my "steed." Oi like 'em face down and with old Brown-Eye lookin' back at me," responded one of the sailors, and there was coarse laughter at this vulgarity."Then return to your ship, Jack Tar," I said. "Your cabin boy is lonely." At this there was more laughter, and though the object of my Jape glowered, I saw that the others seemed ready to pay us more credit than they had shown the previous dancers on this stage.I motioned for one of the soldiers up front to pass me a wooden chair, which I set up on the stage and motioned to Amelia for her to sit upon it..
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