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Then the guilthits, and I try and beat back the fantasy. I'm so tired of thisstruggle.******I know I don't write a lot about school, its cause I really don't have alot to say. It just IS, you know? I'm mostly ignored here, and that'sjust fine with me. Much less chance of somebody figuring out I'm notlike other boys.****My brother got a package from home today. It was a cassette tape from afriend of his. He let me listen, his friend seems pretty cool. John madea tape to send back, and I had to say "hi" on it, I don't know why. Iadmire my brother a lot, he's turning into a good man. But that also istaking him further away from me, since I am not a good man. Most days, Idon't feel like a man at all.*****I've been dreaming about HER a lot. Sometimes, when I'm getting dressed,I almost see her in the mirror. I don't know how to describe thefeeling, its like.... I watched the movie "Victor/Victoria" and there isa scene where she is broke and hungry and she stands outside arestaurant and. I'll admit, if I was to wake up next to a naked man, he was a man I didn't object to waking up with. Now, if I could only remember what we did last night. I shut my eyes and tried to remember what had occurred the night before.Flashes of loud music and dancing ran through my memory. My friend Chrissy was the one who talked me into coming, but shortly after we arrived she ditched me to be with her sorority sisters and the other frat guys. I debated about leaving, but I didn't. Why? Oh, because that guy asked me to dance with him. Not the guy who I woke up with though. Who was he again? Owen, that's right.I was still lying back and under the covers when Owen returned with four bottles in his hands. He handed me two and said, "Here." Thanks," I said, then drank some water. The other bottle, lemon-lime Gatorade. My personal favorite."So, how long have you been a member of KT?" KT?" Kappa Tau." I'm not a member of Kappa Tau, or any sorority for that matter." Then why were you at our.
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