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In fact, it stung. He'd been my real 'first' and typically, I'd developed a longing for him. I suppose I'd hoped that he might develope something similar for me, but as the days had passed without any contact, that possibility seemed less and less likely. Now, this bitchy queen with 'her' somewhat jealous, waspish attitude confirmed it - I was a pathetic, naive, idiotic fool and nothing more than a notch on Nick's bed post. I'm pretty sure both my cheeks were red with humiliation. "Yes it was Nick. I think he's nice and anyway, I needed to get fucked sometime didn't I so why not by him" was my defensive statement in response. "Yeah, I liked him too when he had me" said a voice sat by the coffee bar. "Well I actually fell for him a bit when I was seeing him but I knew it wouldn't go anywhere" said another. "My God, will this humiliation have an end!" I thought to myself. Just then, Mark appeared. "Shall we have a chat?" he said and I heartily grasped the opportunity to be released. There were plenty of other things I could have beendoing. I look at my nails and see that they need a touch-up andremember it's a week since I saw my hairdresser.The deceased had been a client of mine, but just one of a number. Myclients come and go fairly regularly. Some drop out for various reasonsbut if any of them fails to appear for an appointment I do not botherenquiring after them. Perhaps some have had burnout or have moved away.Maybe some of them find meetings with me have failed to relieve theirtensions. This one was a suicide, I had heard, but that was notisolated either. I remember that another of my past clients had killedhimself too.I see a few raised eyebrows as I enter the crematorium and some gueststurn their heads to examine me, puzzled looks showing on their faces.Perhaps they are wondering what my connection to the deceased is but Iwill have an answer ready if I am actually asked. 'I had some businessdealings with him,' I will say, using a tone, expression and.
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