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. As you know, I struggle with trying to distract myself with other tasks or activities that might help take my mind off how unworthy I feel - and how much wine I've consumed in recent months - but nothing is helping. I can't even find someone who is willing to hold me for longer than a few hours, without it being in between meaningless sex. Hell, at this point, even a friend would be nice. Someone I can just talk to who would be willing to listen and make sure I don't die from alcohol poisoning - or loneliness, whichever gets me first. I don't know how in the world I got to this point in my life but Jesus Fucking Christ, it sucks. I want my happy ending too, dammit. I want kids and a loving husband. A family to come home to that will be excited to see me with hugs, kisses and I love you's. I want my husband to come up behind me and hug me while I wash dishes in my sweats and an old, baby-stained, oversized t-shirt who never doubts that I'm the most beautiful woman in the world. I. “Clyde, walk over to my new spanking bench, spread your legs and secure them first, and then see if the hooks that Ann put in will secure your wrists?” Kay said. “Yes, Mistress,” I answered. I knew Kay liked to be addressed as ‘Mistress’ when she spanked me, so I answered in that way. Now I felt very embarrassed securing myself to this new piece of furniture that I just picked up from an antique store this morning. It was easy to spread my legs and secure my ankles to the bench, and then I leaned forward and the clips on my wristlets easily clipped into the hooks. Now I was helpless again. I did try to undo the clips on my wristlets, and I couldn’t free myself from the bench. With the shoelace around the base of my penis, I was very aware of my penis and balls dangling between my legs. “Clyde looks very good this way,” Ann said. “Now you can order him to secure himself to this and have him wait for you to spank him. So try out the new paddle.” SPANK! SPANK! SPANK! This paddle did.
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