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The doubt that had hooked its barb into me was entirely about what was best for her.She was right. I thought and obsessed about things far too much. But I loved my sister, and I knew how volatile her past relationships had been. I wanted sex. My entire body yearned for it, for her. I was still achingly erect. But more than that, I wanted to be with her. If Violet was only offering herself for long as we were in this house, I didn’t think I could stand it. And I didn’t know if she was ready for anything more, or even if that would be the best thing for her.The abuse we had experienced in childhood had made both of us magicians of denial. Distraction and avoiding the big picture were our common stock in trade. They had been vital skills in helping us survive as children, but disastrous for our adult selves.My solution had been to overcompensate, to focus with single-minded intensity on whatever was before me, sinking my teeth into every challenge like a terrier and shaking it to death.. “Okay,” Tim said and pulled his jeans and underwear off. “Now, I’ll lay back and close my eyes.”Amy got to her knees and blushed. Tim lay still, his rubber rod standing straight up. She crawled over to his knees and hesitated. She guessed she was supposed to do what he did and spread his legs and lay down between them.She put her hands on his knees and pushed them apart, her ears reaching out for sounds from downstairs. Her face was burning.Amy leaned down and looked closely at Tim’s peter. She pinched the tip. Tim smiled. It had a little helmet with a hole in it. She fondled his testicles. They were ugly and wrinkly.“Take your time,” Tim said. “There’s nothing to be scared of. Just act like it’s my finger.”Amy leaned down and put her tongue on his ‘finger’. Tim sighed. It didn’t look like a finger, but it did make it easier to think of it as a finger before she touched it.Amy licked it and Tim said ‘um’ in a dreamy way. She put her mouth over it and sucked a little. His peter tasted.
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