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It created a whole host of problems for me - expectations that I could never meet.To be fair, I put some of it on myself, but I can never really parse out how much of it was my own creation and how much was my parents assignment of a role to me.For example, I took responsibility for my younger siblings, trying to protect them and keep them from getting in trouble. Of course, my parents held me responsible for their behavior, but I embraced that responsibility and tried to make it work.I took punishments for them when I could - when I was brave enough. I felt like a coward when I wasn't brave enough and I felt like a failure when I couldn't play the system well enough to get punished in their place.At night, sometimes I would lay in bed, listening to one of my brothers or sisters being spanked and I would cry into my pillow wishing I could be the one getting it. I hated hearing their cries and the sound of a hand - or the almost-silent sound of the hairbrush - hitting them. " Thanks Rachel."The woman was happy I remembered her name and actually I didn't cheat. My memory was a lot better and I could focus on a problem a lot better. It just occurred to me that Knox might have seen me on one of her surveillance cameras.I went upstairs and was admitted right away. Before I could greet her, she said, "I have four more subjects." Her shield was up but her anger was not sustaining it like it was before. I got a glimpse of what she intended and I had to hide my reaction."There must be something special about them. You're not continuing." They're males."I acted shocked now. There was more but I could not get it. "That could give me some problems. What are their ages?" 15, 14 and two are 12"I was in trouble. I couldn't refuse because somebody else would do the testing and my secret would come out. "We're going to have to be issued birth control pills. It takes time for them to take effect. I'm going to have to meet the boys one at a time." Knox had no visible.
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