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Right or wrong, this was poured into my foundation from the very beginning. So, it should not have come as a surprise that this would be a source of emotional turmoil, especially when these thoughts occasionally gave way to outright craving for sexual union with a male lover. My taste for male sex (no pun intended) had been awakened some years earlier by an experience involving anonymous sex through a gloryhole at an adult video arcade, an experience for which I had repented profusely and repeatedly. I tried repressing these feelings as best I could, marshalling all of the Stoic resolve and spiritual strength that I could muster. But, in the end, it amounted to little more than token resistance. I could never share this struggle with anyone, or so I thought. It was during this period I was befriended by a fellow from church named Ken, whom I discovered was also a widower. He was a soft-spoken guy, about twenty years my senior, with a few extra pounds and a gray goatee. I learned that. He'd already drawn up the relevant documents and just needed mum's signature.She surprised me when we left his office by linking her arm in mine and whispering softly,"I'll give you enough money to start up your own courier business if you like Billy" Why would I want to do that mum?" I replied and held my arm tightly against myself so as to stop hers being withdrawn,"Well, you know, last night" Let's have a coffee mum" and I steered her into a little bistro,"I'm seventeen tomorrow mum, I'm not a boy any more although the law says I am"She nodded in agreement,"I know that darling, I'm a year older too, remember?" Yeah" I said dryly, "You're ancient mum, but my point is that I think you already know how I feel about you and yet last night you left me feeling like a silly little schoolboy"She looked down at her coffee and stirred it idly,"I said I was sorry darling, don't let's fall out, please" God dammit mum" I hissed, "That's not what I want, I don't want to fall out with you and I.
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