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'Hey, this is Mandi. I'm sorry about earlier, he just pisses me off sometimes. It's not like I expect too much, I just want someone to be mine and all mine.''I know what you mean,' I wrote back, 'guys just don't get it. Hey, would you like to go grab some lunch sometime?' I didn't expect her to really answer back but my phone went off right away.'That sounds good to me, how about Saturday? We could meet at this new place they just opened down the road from your work, I think it's called Francisco's.'She actually wanted to meet this Saturday. I was so shocked but I had to keep telling myself it was just a meet, not a date. 'That sounds wonderful, when do you want to go?''How about seven, I know you said lunch but I'm more of a dinner girl.''Seven works for me, see you then.'Was this really happening to me? I did a small jig and then proceeded to do my normal after work ritual. Come home, take a shower, put on something comfy, hop in bed, surf the internet. Everyday after work it was. " "To a new beginning, Charlie." We 'clink' our paper cups together and sip and smile. One shield is down and she looks more open than she ever has. But not to me. To the world. She is back on the market and ready for some adventure. "I want you..." "Rose..." "...but I can't have you. I know that. But I still want this. Our mornings together mean more to me than you can imagine." I do not say the words I would have said. 'Take me. I am yours.' I've never been as weak as I was when I heard my only lover say, 'I want you'. But I know that she would blame herself for destroying what is only held together by loveless conviction, by a sense of duty without enthusiasm. Where the enthusiasm went, I cannot say. My body never did, but my heart strayed long ago. But I don't think Madeleine ever noticed. The spark went out of her eyes before it happened. For her, our spiritless marriage became a habit, like my morning cup, before I met Rose. The end of mutual joie de vivre began with a pattern.
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