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I need a ride.’ ‘That’s a surprise.’ ‘Don’t hassle me, Harry. I’ve had a hard day. I just need a ride to the mall.’ I heard grumbling. ‘Man, I don’t suppose you’re gonna give me gas money this time either, are ya? I give you frickin’ rides all over the frickin’ place.’ I sighed. People were always whining like they were the only ones with problems. ‘Look, Harry, just pick me up, alright? I’ll make it worth your while.’ ‘That would be a frickin’ change.’ ‘Harry!’ ‘Fine, fine. Where are you?’ I told him and hung up. Ten minutes later he pulled up in his silly Geo. I slid into the front seat. Harry looked at me with a slightly puzzled look. ‘Did you do something to your hair?’ ‘Nah, someone spilled a drink on it. Big rave weekend. Thanks for getting me.’ ‘Thanks, nothing. You said it would be worth my frickin’ while.’ Shit. I had said that. I thought about it for a moment, then figured, what the hell- I had already flashed a clerk. I glanced around. Seeing no one nearby, I reached over. Children resulted from this union and, of course, they took priority over everything else in life. My wife and I were able to have our little adventures (always involving cigar smoking) when the kids were small, but at some point it became too risky to continue our cigar sex adventures in the house, so we had to settle for the occasional weekend when the grandparents could take the kids or the few times we could get away alone. Like many marriages, after 20 years ours became a bit stale and boring. We still had sex, but the wild nights of previous years had become a memory. When having sex, I began to imagine other women smoking cigars. It always had the intended result, but it just wasn’t the same. Then came the Internet. When I had my first taste of Netscape Navigator, I was awestruck. What an amazing invention! And then one day the thought came to me: There must be pictures out there of women smoking cigars. Going into AltaVista (this was years before Google) I typed in.
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