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Anyhow, I had only a year left before graduation in my program when UMass-Amherst revoked my scholarship and dumped me unceremoniously. That was in November 2009. I was crestfallen since I had lost everything. Honestly, I considered suicide. You got no idea how it feels, man. To be brilliant, decent, church-going and law-abiding and yet to constantly feel like the society around me is punishing me for something I did not do. When my parents left me in Boston in 1999, I did not ask them any questions because I was a mere pup. What did I know? I mean, America is supposed to be the land of opportunity. If you are smart and a hard worker, you are supposed to make it. Well, I think I did everything right. I went to school, I went to church and I went to the library, that is about it really. My aunt constantly reminded me that if I ever got in trouble with the police as young Black men in America tend to do, I would get deported. Since I did not want that, I tried to keep as low a profile. One of the guest looked at me andstarted following me, I felt so scared that I ran to my room. Imasturbated myself. In the beginning, I was just shaking my hands out ofsheer excitement and looking myself at the mirror. Slowly while shakingI felt the urge of getting fucked by a man. I suddenly wanted a maninside me and that I wanted to call that guest back and ask him to screwme but then I decided to think of a man and masturbate. I closed my eyes and then started thinking of all the men I met and thecelebrities and then my thoughts rested on one man who I recognized asRahul. I suddenly became weak at the knees and then started masturbatingat a high speed. I then released and then I felt bad and then kept thethings as it was.When I returned, I gave all the stuff to Sonia, I had thought of keepingsome stuff but then I gave all to her. I didn't tell her about any of myexperience. The next day Sonia cam to my room and asked me to speak thetruth for she said that she is a smart girl and.
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