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”Her: “And distance, as well.”Me: “Fine. But can I ask you one last question?”Her: “Go ahead.”Me: “What are you calculating the velocity of, anyway?”A man goes to a costume party wearing nothing but his underwear and a woman on his back.His friends see him and ask “Hey man, what are you supposed to be?”He replies “Oh, I’m dressed as a turtle”His friend responds “A turtle? How are you supposed to be a turtle? And who is that woman on your back?”The man replies “Oh, that’s Michelle” –Thank Phoenix for the following.‎ Three men were travelling in Europe and happened to meet at a bar in London, England. One man was from the US, one from France and one from Canada. They got acquainted and started talking about their problems with their wives.The American began by saying: “I told my wife in no uncertain terms that from now on she would have to do all the cooking. Well the first day after I told her, I saw nothing. The second day I saw nothing. But on the third day when I came home from. We extended the liberal nature of our church to allow the girls to call us by our first names when we weren’t in public where others could hear. I was surprised that she had left the party to follow me and I stopped on the trail and said, “Oh hi, Amy. Why’d you leave the party? I would think you’d want to be with your friends.”Amy seemed very sad when she replied, “Well, all of the other girl counselors have paired off with boys, and I was feeling left out. Most of the boys don’t seem to find me very attractive or sexy anyway, and that hurts my feelings. Tell me, Ed, do you find me attractive?”I knew that might be a risky conversation to have with a sixteen-year-old girl, but I was feeling bad for her and surprisingly drawn to her. Amy was wearing a loose t-shirt with no bra and loose cotton athletic shorts, but I still saw her womanly curves. I said, “Amy, I wish you didn’t feel that way about yourself. I think you're very attractive and sexy. The problem is that you usually don’t.
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