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Bring me another beer.’”Tommy Lasorda, Los Angeles Dodgers manager: “I found out that it’s not good to talk about my troubles. Eighty percent of the people who hear them don’t care and the other twenty percent are glad I’m having them.”E.J. Holub, Kansas City Chiefs linebacker regarding his twelve knee operations: “My knees look like they lost a knife fight with a midget.”Vic Braden, tennis instructor: “My theory is that if you buy an ice cream cone and make it hit your mouth, you can learn to play tennis. If you stick it on your forehead, your chances aren’t as good.”Walt Garrison, Dallas Cowboys fullback when asked if Tom Landry ever smiles: “I don’t know. I only played there for nine years.”John Breen, Houston Oilers: “We were tipping off our plays. Whenever we broke from the huddle, three backs were laughing and one was pale as a ghost.”Bum Phillips, New Orleans Saints, after viewing a lopsided loss to the Atlanta Falcons: “The film looks suspiciously like the game itself.”Al. Makes minimum wage or something like that working in a bar. He's fun to be around, and he does everything I tell him to, but there is no way he can support me.Mark, the asshole I married, has a salary in the low six figures. Maybe that's why he's such ... Okay; it wasn't always this way between us. When we first got together, we were very much in love. But twenty years and about a million arguments have both of us raising our defenses against the other.As I tried to remember what it was exactly that changed our everlasting love into never ending ennui and then transformed that into soul searing hatred, CJ intruded on my thoughts.He was rubbing my legs ever so gently hoping to get me into the mood without getting me pissed off at him. That gentle leg rubbing thing always turned me on soooo fucking much when Mark did it. CJ on the other hand was just annoying me."CJ, move over here and suck my titty," I told him."Seriously?" he gushed. I nodded at him. And he quickly scurried towards.
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