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Beautiful. And failing that, may I recommend a Sainsbury’s ‘Good For Yourself’ Tikka Curry with Chilli Garlic Bread along with Aldi’s finest ‘£1.99 for four’ lagers. A combination like that is potent! So ignore the Prune Juice – please! (Oh, and the same applies to figs – dirty disgusting things that come down here and try and run the show. I don’t who they think they are, but the arrogant little buggers certainly aren’t welcome!) And as for Yoga!? What on earth makes people think that being bent into every position possible is good for their bowels? It’s bloody agony! Professors claim that if you’re suffering from trapped wind (a symptom I’ll talk about later) then you should try Yoga to shift it. People think it’s wonderful when belches and farts break free. Let me tell you, the wind produced is far from an appreciative comment for the exercise, the truth is, we’re trying to tell you to stop – you’re killing us! That’s why, when bottom burps are released, they smell so bad! Have. I have one, but it will take me all day Monday to do the other three. And when I get finished with that, if I don't get some fan mail taken care of, it will bury me." Okay," I said, thinking furiously. I had to seal the deal here or I was going to feel like I'd been dumped. "How about Tuesday? We can do Chinese take-out and watch a movie." Great!" she said, and my spirits soared again, because she sounded like she meant it. "You pick the movie."Now do not ask me why the first movie I thought of was Debbie Does Dallas. I have a sneaking suspicion that my cock put it in my brain, because it was firming up ... possibly because I was thinking about Debbie doing Dallas ... or maybe because I was finally going to get to spend some time sitting next to Chris on the couch. I must have gotten distracted by the daydream because I heard my voice say, kind of dreamy like... "Chris Does Dallas." What?" she asked. "I've never heard of that one." I mean Debbie Does Dallas!" I croaked. Then I.
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