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Oppression. You are willing me to die but taunt me by keeping my body alive. This IS me. Stop! Harder to concentrate. I can’t think. Bitch. Helpless and angry, a pitiful combination. And you just walk away. 27 June I gaze down the garden path and across to the trees beyond the pond. Sunlight and birdsong. I try to feel something. Anything. There’s no rage left, no anger. But there is nothing to take its place either. I try to hold that thought but I can’t. I know I need you to know that, but helpless, I know it’s unlikely I’ll recall it later. Still staring at the trees, I feel I ought to be responding to the beauty around me. I can see it’s a pretty place, a lovely afternoon. I try again to concentrate. I hear the birds, a light breeze rustling the manicured landscape. I can hear the unusual sounds of children playing in the visitor’s garden. I feel next to nothing in response. I ought to feel so much more. Christopher. I know I should. That’s your fault. I know that too. You. Some of the other ranching families in the valley weren’t as lucky, however. Ada’s love for her daughter-in-law was solidified when Ada was called to the nearby valley-bottom farming ranch of an old friend of hers, whose husband had died and sons were now all off in the war. They’d planted the hay before they left and it was now sitting in the field, waiting to be harvested. But there was no one to harvest it—or at least not enough hands to harvest it. This was where Wolf Creek Ranch had been getting its hay for the horses used at the dude ranch stables for decades, but the hay was sitting there in the field. It would rot, the dude ranch wouldn’t have the hay it needed, and Ada’s friend would go under in a mound of debt. Ada and her friend were standing on the porch of the woman’s ranch house, commiserating with each other about how much damage wars did to the fabric of the economy much less people’s lives, when Beth rode up with several of the guests at the ranch. She had told them.
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