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Don’t worry. You aren’t going to catch anything from me, I get tested.’ I hadn’t even thought about diseases, I was too naïve to think that way. Though now that Jay had mentioned it, I was worried. ‘I’m not on any birth control,’ I said. ‘I know. It’s okay. There’s a clinic downtown where we can get you the morning-after pill, and while we’re there we can get you on birth control pills. I’ll be more careful from now on, but just in case of another slip-up, you should be on the pill or something.’ I wasn’t sure I wanted to take any pill, but I definitely didn’t want to be pregnant. ‘They aren’t open today, though, right?’ ‘Right, but they will be tomorrow. What time’s your last class tomorrow?’ ‘It gets over at two.’ ‘I’ll pick you up then and take you to the clinic. And I’ll pay for everything, so don’t worry about that.’ Jay fastened his jeans. ‘I’m sorry, Sam. The last thing I want to do is cause you any problems or any worries, okay?’ ‘What if I did get pregnant?’ I asked. ‘You. Life had been so cruel these last couple years and she had a hard time finding the happy, beautiful woman she used to be. Stress and loss and hurt had led to her self-destruction. Drugs and alcohol were on the verge of taking over her entire life and she knew this, and wanted him to save her from herself. Night after night of guilt and sadness had brought her to this place of desperation. The need to be punished by him was so strong. Not by anyone else, but by him. There was something in him that she craved, like shed known him forever. Her ability to be completely open to her desires, and the level of his desires that she so easily understood, and connected with. Yet, at the same time he was a stranger to her. She wanted to feel every part of him, inside and out. She wanted more than he could ever give her, and she knew that, so she tried to fight her feelings. Her moral obligations kept her grounded, and she fought the thought of him daily. Sometimes she even got angry at him for.
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