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. in the ass." That was a sentence I never thought I could pronounce to my wife, my starlight, ever. At least, not without getting an earful about how coarse my language was, and what about the children, and you should just straighten up and fly right, for once. Imagine my surprise at what she said next."Ohhh, is that what we're going to do?" It was Christmas morning in her eyes, and we walked like lovers do.When we got to the lake, there was a low mist across it."Aw, crap, there's someone here. Not what I wanted." At the end of the dock was a shrouded figure, hard to see. We started around."I don't . . . know that I . . . mind, honey." Santa Claus, Reindeer, Stars of Bethlehem, eat your heart out."Hold on a minute." I was having a hard time seeing, but after a few steps, I was sure."That's her." What? Who?" At the end of the dock, there. That's the girl from last night, and, uh, before." Oh, I totally want to meet her!" Cheryl broke away from and was half-way down the dock before it. For months, all I heard was “Mindy’s baby will do this,” or “Mindy’s son will do that.”Apparently my only contribution to Thomas was 10 or 15 minutes late at night (or perhaps on the lawn mower?).By the time Thomas began crawling, that had changed.Now, the only thing I hear is “Do you know what YOUR son did today?”The nine months that Mindy carried Thomas inside her is like it never happened!I kept warning both Mindy and Jennifer of the need to baby-proof both houses, but was assured it wasn’t necessary. “Mindy’s son” was going to be a perfect baby boy.By the time Thomas began crawling and had pulled out every single pot, pan and baking sheet in every cabinet in both houses, I had to baby-proof both houses because of “Your son!”All along, I had tried to tell Mindy and Jennifer that little boys were like plants: They need a LITTLE water, and a LOT of dirt in order to grow.I was informed that NO, Thomas would NEVER be dirty, and would LOVE baths!Yeah, dream on.Even having raised two.
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