I slide off my stool and away from our table, sidle up next to her stool and say, ‘Buy you another, doll?’ She looks me up and down with a very obvious appraisal, smiles and says, ‘Mmm, no thanks honey. You’re cute n’all, but I just stopped in for a quick one.’ ‘Well, how about something else? A burger? A car? A house?’ She giggles musically (which, by the way quickens my heartrate) and asks, ‘Are you hitting on me?’ Always being an honest and straightforward guy I answer with a confident smile, ‘Um, yup!’ I sweeten the smile as much as I can and continue, ‘Thing is, I think you are kind of cute and quite frankly, would just be interested in getting to know you.’ ‘That’s very flattering handsome, but not today. I appreciate the effort though!’ I hear Jake chuckling. She notices too, and says, ‘Friend of yours?’ ‘Yes, that is my imbecile friend, Jake. I’m Mike, by the way.’ ‘Well Mike, it was very nice to meet you, but I have to get going. Bye!’ Usually that ‘bye’ would. Vietnam had been on the television. White wine had chilled in a bucket beside his bed.Now things were almost too simple. Heaven, with its everlasting rewards, was a playground for the kind-hearted, still confounded and tortured by their own morals and inhibitions. Many of them had spent a lifetime fighting their own urges, futilely struggling to save a few fellow humans that (they would later realize) were only hairy skin bags, full of soggy organs. Now they knew that no one can be saved. They, like all the other skin bags, were nothing more than self-important harvest grounds for worm food. Coffin fillers. The temporary vessels for skeletons that would one day anchor down trees, roots knotting through their naked ribs and skulls. Their winged souls ascended to the Sweet Hereafter, where King waited, hard and ready as a humming power tool. Stooped over her garden, tending her blossoms like a doting schoolmarm, Princess Diana was the first of King’s forays that morning. He tackled her.
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