Oh, I had to work hard on some of those stations, but still I have another whole hour to finish, with only one beacon left. I looked up the test results for previous classes. While there were a couple that finished in slightly under three hours, most finished during the last fifteen minutes of the test. I'm a pretty sharp girl, but I'll bet the other newbies were sharp, too. Why am I almost finished with so much time to spare? Her gut tightened, and she slowed her approach to the asteroid belt. Fools rush in where angels fear to tread, she admonished herself, remembering the line from Pope's essay. She suspected it was just as true now as it had been when he was alive. Besides, the test was pass/fail. One second before four hours was just as good as finishing in three hours.There were some faster moving rocks on the outside of the belt, but her scanners picked up the danger, giving her ample time to avoid the strays. Past the outer shell of fast moving rocks, the inner ones were. It was, faggot this, and queer that - or pussy, bitch, sissy, punk! Those pejoratives became instilled in me as adjectives never to be aimed at me and to be avoided at all costs.Naturally, when you are born male, but your body, your nature, exposes you as suspect, you will occasionally have these epithets aimed your way. Your job is to - violently if necessary - reject them. This becomes more difficult after puberty, when your physical appearance fails to keep pace with most of your male classmates. I was always the small, slightly built little blondie, but now, watching the others' voices deepening, their jaws becoming more prominent, their legs hairy, their musculature more obvious, I cursed myself for having none of that noticeably happening to me, as it forced me to work even harder to convince the world that I was a young "man."To complicate matters further, with puberty comes an increased libido, and I found myself masturbating whenever I could, and thinking about sex almost.
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