” The woman grinned and said, “That’s what YOU think!”151. Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you’ll wish you had a fucking club and a spade.152. On Saturday afternoon, I was sitting in my lawn chair, drinking beer and watching my wife mow the lawn. The neighbor lady from across the street was so outraged that she came over and shouted at me, “You should be hung!”I took a drink from my bottle of beer, wiped the cold foam from my lips, lifted my darkened sunglasses and stared directly into the eyes of this nosy ass neighbor and then calmly replied, “I am. That’s why she cuts the grass.”153. I went to the doctor the other day and found out my new doctor is a young female, and drop-dead gorgeous! I was embarrassed, but she said, “Don’t worry, I’m a professional – I’ve seen it all before. Just tell me what’s wrong and I’ll help you in any way I can.” I said, “I think my penis tastes funny…”154. A husband and wife were. My fingers actually shook as I unwrapped the clingy plastic. The first bite was sheer bliss, and the second and third were not far behind it. In between bites I guzzled iced tea.Breakfast the next morning was prefaced by a new routine. I spent thirty minutes working on my upper body strength with the pulley system that was the main component among those installed. I moved to the new treadmill from there and began experimenting with using the device as a substitute for my normal running. I ran on the treadmill for thirty minutes and then moved to a Hack machine to do squats. I did fifteen minutes at a slow pace, not worried about the number of squats so much as getting a good feel for how comfortable I felt with the amount of weight I'd started with. I'd always had strong legs. My time in service to Uncle Sam had made them stronger still. The last three years in particular we had driven ourselves very hard to push our bodies to places they hadn't been able to go. I was smiling after.
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