Even when my parents talked about how much you were going to destroy my life, I’d still smile. I knew it wasn’t true. You would have only made my life better. In the short time I did know you, you completely changed me. I could only imagine who I would have become had we been able to live the life we deserved. My grandma always said, ‘God gives us just enough — never too much and never too little.’ She was right. That short time I knew you was just long enough for me to know someone loved me. I think that was the thing that changed me most of all. Knowing that someone had unconditional love for me. And that was what made me finally able to let go and love myself. Sometimes at night I think about the night you died. I cry every time I remember the look on the nurses face, when I knew the end was near. She came in and pulled away the tubes. Then the doctor came, and they turned off your life support. I closed my eyes as I heard the rhythmic sound of your heart monitor shift to a. Hyde has risen up, cosh in hand, and he rains down a succession of well-aimed blows upon Jed and all his good intentions. I’m thinking about my dick – about where it’s going to be and what it’s going to do. I’m thinking about naked teenage tits and squelching teenage cunt. I’m thinking – you pathetic pontificating liberal-minded oh-so-worthy fool – about Tori fucking Beeching and how you felt the night you could have had her but you didn’t. I’m thinking about fucking who you like, where you like, and how the FUCK you like. As for the cocaine, you can flush it down the toilet, but how will that change anything right now? Answer – it fucking won’t. So why not suck it up your snout instead and have a party?‘Why not indeed?’ Jed says the words out loud, his inner objections fading to a whimper. With precious seconds ticking down, he retrieves one of Dean’s plastic sachets from his tux and takes it, with some other items, to the bathroom. Once there he tips the powder onto the glass shelf.
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