Since it was early December, she carried a butter soft, leather bomber jacket.Tommy took Texas 836 east, then turned north on Highway 931. Twenty-six miles later, and just north of Brownwood, he pulled into the Brown County Fairgrounds. Conchita smiled when she saw the sign proclaiming the evening ‘Championship Night for the Texas Professional Rodeo Circuit’. Leave it to unpredictable Tommy to take her to something she’d never seen before. Putting aside the fact that he aroused her sexually, the more time she spent with him, the more she liked him.The rodeo events lasted until about nine, then there was an awards ceremony, as the champions for each event was crowned. Conchita and Tommy stayed for everything, including the fireworks display at the end. They were back on the road headed home by a quarter to ten. Conchita scooted over to the middle of the seat as soon as Tommy shifted up through the gears. She sighed contentedly when he put his arm over her shoulder and pulled her. I no longer had it in me to turn a simple door handle. I no longer had the strength to even stand, my knees trembling and buckling. I just couldn't ... couldn't face her ... not right at that moment.Instead, I leaned my forehead against the wall next to that door. I allowed the cool, almost cold wall to prop me up and I tried to draw that coldness into me, into the broken pieces of my heart. I wanted it to strengthen me, to freeze me, make me hard and numb against the world. I knew that without that coldness, without that numbness, I was going to fall apart. If I didn't let that coolness in, I was going to fall apart, a wreck of a man.Not for the first time in the past 24 hours, I thought about how I'd gotten here. I thought about what had led me to this place. I considered the past, considered every decision I'd made for the past 12 years plus, and wondered if there had been any of them I could've changed that would have allowed me to come to this same place and been happy instead.
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