’, he whispered. ‘Did not mind or did not care?’ I was not letting him move it to my feelings, just yet. ‘Did not mind. I cared, I cared. When I was cumming, I was thinking about getting you pregnant. I don’t think I have ever put so much into a woman as I put into you that afternoon. Even when I was twenty.’ I did not expect this twist. ‘Did you think of the consequences?’ I well remember the flood, but I was not letting my mind fuck of him go yet. ‘No. … Yes. I thought of your belly swelling, and you having a baby inside you, and how wonderful you would look.’ ‘What about after I had the baby? The nappies, the school, the money.’ ‘No, not that. It was just the thrill of unprotected sex with a gorgeous woman.’ ‘Did you share that thought with me? I was there for a fuck, and you were trying to get me pregnant. How do you think I should feel about that?’ The word pregnant was turning me on, but I kept his buildup going, not letting go the tension. ‘That was our first time, I couldn’t. What was the point, really? Why tell my story to a therapist? To a cell mate? Anybody?Nobody would believe me, and it would just look like I was pussy, anyway. Which is what I was. She made sure she reminded me of that numerous times. It's because it was the truth.The woman used me, mind-fucked me and actual-fucked me, and then to jam the knife in deeper, she stole my fucking girl?!?If it walks like a pussy and smells like a pussy...The numbness made it easy to go through the motions with the first three therapists they threw at me before they all moved on to other jobs, forcing me to start a therapeutic relationship with a brand new person each time.The numbness also helped me through the times I was prison raped. Yes, that stuff actually happens, especially when you're young and fit, with apparently boyishly good looks. By the second time it happened, when I tried to bite the guy's dick off for face-fucking me in the shower, people learned to keep their hands off of me.I began using.
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