I remembered after the first two years, but she still likes to rub it in.“I’ve learned my lesson, Mom,” I retorted as I kissed her cheek. “I know how grumpy you get when you don’t have your coffee.”“It’s a good thing it’s Christmas,” she laughed as she swatted my arm.“Yeah,” I deadpanned, “it means you get pancakes.”Mom grabbed two mugs and filled them up with hot coffee. As she headed out of the room, she asked how long I’d be.“I’m about halfway through,” I told her. “Probably another ten or fifteen minutes.”“Just yell when you’re ready,” Mom said as she walked away. “We’ll get our showers after breakfast and then open presents.”That was part of the trade: no more pre-dawn gift opening in our pajamas. I know some folks might be appalled at how we wait to open our gifts, but as Mom says, Christmas is all about family and traditions. Since this is our family, we’re allowed to have our own traditions even if they don’t match everyone else’s. Dad jokes that he’s just waiting for me to. About having a family of my own with her... But this can't happen now.Next year, I was going to try out for the school football team. I wanted to play so bad that I could almost taste it. I was good and getting better. I'd even dreamed of one day getting a scholarship to college... and maybe even going to the NFL. Now, all of my plans for the future are gone. All of my dreams are gone.Every time I look into the mirror, I see a stranger staring back. It's not my face and never will be. My whole body feels...wrong, and every movement just rubs that in. It's not my body. Not anymore. I'm a stranger in my own skin. I'm trapped inside this stupid alien body... feeling so alone... so scared.How could you do this to me? You said that you did it because you loved me, but how can you do something like this to a person you love? To your own son? You betrayed me... you hurt me so badly that I can't even put it into words. Now I know the truth. I know that you never really wanted a son... that.
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