Critic. Oh, wicked Mr. Critic!Every time Tammy posted a new story, sure enough Mr. Critic would criticize it."Your spelling is atrocious," Mr. Critic would write, in his oh-so-proper way, "and you seem to have no grasp of conventional grammar, without the saving grace of true experiment. The plot is miniscule, the characters the thinnest cardboard, and the ending completely implausible. You can do better."Tammy felt just awful whenever he saw what Mr. Critic had written about his stories. Didn't Mr. Critic realize that having fun was more important than any silly old rules? Fortunately, Tammy's friends agreed, and sent him notes like "Yoo rool, Tamee! Thet waz a grate storee!" That always cheered him right up again.But this couldn't go on forever, and one day Tammy Fey received a package in the mail, the snail mail, that is, with no return address.Inside was an old-fashioned brass oil lamp, with the alchemical symbols for Mars and Venus inscribed on its side. Knowing what this must. Dad was washing his hands in the sink, which I knew bothered Mom, which may be why he does it.“Have you told him yet, Ruthie?”“I’ve been waiting for you, dear,” she said.“Tell me what?” I asked.“If he has moved in with somebody, we are going to have to find somebody, won’t we?” Dad said.This sounded quite fascinating. I pulled Arial’s chair out for her, getting a ‘Thanks RK,” for my effort. I dished some Noodles and Chicken on her plate for her until she said, “That’s enough, please?”Our parents watched this much too closely, as I sat and gave myself a big helping as well.“He seems to still have good manners,” my father said like he was observing an animal in the zoo.As we all started to eat, I simply asked, “What’s going on, oh great and powerful Jeff?Mom said, “Well, our 25th wedding anniversary is coming up, and your father and I were planning to take a month and go on a 2nd Honeymoon, Richard.”Aha!After chewing the piece of chicken in my mouth, I surmised, “So you need someone to.
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