That picture was like a magnet to me. In fact, months later my worst nightmare happened when my mother came home early and caught me masturbating in her bedroom. As if it wasn’t totally embarrassing enough, she assumed I was looking at my stepfather’s Playboy. When I ran out of the room humiliated, she went to go straighten up and saw what I was masturbating to. It was turned right to the page with Bill of course. I was panicking in my room when she came in to have “the talk” with me. She said I was just curious about sex and not to worry, I was just confused. She said but if I am having those kind of feelings, I need to find a boy my age, not a man 30 years older than me, it was not healthy. It was too late though. After so much time with those Playgirls, I really wanted to make love with an older man. I wanted an older strong man to control me and take care of me. I didn’t want to be outed at school or to my friends so I knew my experience had to be hidden and anonymous. I bought. Flirting with me in class. Calling me after school. She would call me on speaker phone while her friends listened in trying not to giggle as she talked all romantic to me.’ My eyes focus on the candle flame. ‘Dad had been out of work, Mom was supporting us. I worked on the weekend to get the odd dollar. I would spend the money on her. Buying her nice gifts. She would ‘love them’ then tell her friends how cheap I was … how poor.’ ‘Fucking cunt.’ I look up at River. I have never heard her cuss in my life. There is a cold flame burning behind her eyes now. I smile seeing her rise to my defense over something ten years dead if not forgotten. ‘Yeah, she was that. I think the day we ‘got together’ was actually a mistake. She got carried away.’ I shrug a little. ‘She got horny and let it go to far.’ River grins. ‘Yeah, I’ve see the girls in my class do that too. Some of them have ended up with babies in their bellies.’ ‘Yeah well, we were headed down that path for sure. There was nothing in.
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