None of it works. He looks like the boys back home who thought that love beads and a guitar were all they needed to get a girl like me into bed. (It also took a bottle of Chianti, some good weed and a Velvet Underground record playing on the hi-fi. Just for the record.) He smiles at me, and says, ‘Your soul. It is in disorder, yes? You do not know the truth you are seeking here today.’ I can feel myself blushing a bit, although I’m not sure if it’s embarrassment or defensiveness. His comments strike deeply at my insecurities, hitting all the parts of me that believe the people who said I was too self-absorbed and materialistic to find any kind of enlightenment. Maybe I’m so busy chasing the next high and the next fuck that I really wouldn’t know a real guru if he was staring me in the face after all. He chuckles warmly. ‘This will make it difficult,’ he says. ‘But not impossible. Come.’ I look around, but he doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. ‘Meditate with me.’ My heart sinks. I’ve. Tears were streaming down her face and she was sobbing beneath him when he finally roused himself to look at her. His eyes were glassy and unfocused; it was almost as if he didn’t really see her, or couldn’t comprehend why she was there. She had no illusions of aftercare from him when he was in that state. Her chest heaved with trembling shudders as she fought the constricting phantom grip of fear that she could still feel encircling her throat. He didn’t move to comfort her as she wept out all the grief and suffering she felt, and she didn’t expect him to. She was bewildered by the uncharacteristic tenderness when Hannibal drew her into his arms as he rolled onto his side, burying his face in the back of her neck. Clarice curved her body into his, as she drew her thoughts around her like a shroud, the occasional shivering gasp sneaking through as her breathing returned to normal. Her need to please him was something she didn’t understand. Loving him was confusing and terrifying,.
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