I've never been able to cum while having sex. And the last couple times it was hard to become erect and stay erect. But those times were with girls I didn't really love. The first time I had sex was amazing. But I didn't finish because I didn't want to hurt her. But I knew I could cum. It was many years after that, until I had sex again. And it just wasn't like it was when I first had sex, when I had sex with someone I cared about. Though I thought I could really care about this person. The sad thing is that this outlook on love and sex is feminine in itself. The masculine sexuality is objectifying in itself. And the paradox to this is equal in my alternative view of my gender. Isn't fetishizing wearing womans clothes materialistic? I feel like our view point on how a woman should dress is a fetish itself. A woman wears no hair on her body, bright colorful clothing and underwear to feel sexy. It is tight fitting to shape her body. And her face is painted to cover up flaws and. I collapsed beside him on the sofa we both smiled.. our secret he says, and you can come around anytime you want, I smiled at him and thanked him, but after the holidays I made it clear it was a one off, I blamed the alcohol, I was drunk, but I was honest enough to tell him I enjoyed it. I hardly ever spoke to him after that, maybe it was guilt, maybe it was because I worked with him and he knew my wife and family, but I never let it happen with him again, I had opened the door, and I was still telling myself it was the alcohol, and that what happened all those years ago was because of Harry's control over me, I never wanted to admit to myself, that I may love and only find women attractive, but that I loved sex with guys. especially older guys who wore womens clothes, and particularly stockings. About six weeks later I was alone at home the wife was at the in laws, so I spent the night chatting in various rooms on MSN, then I saw a bi/gay chat room with only 3 people in.
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