I immediately started talking as a women instinctively, as if I were a girl, with Peter, tilting my head to sway my long hair and give me the look of a naughty girl. I started opening the buttons of the elegant white shirt that Peter wore, and freed his bare and manly chest, that to kiss I had to put myself on tiptoe despite high-heeled shoes that elevated my height My attention then turned to the opening of his pants, already knowing that Peter was not wearing any underwear and his cock would immediately appear in my sight and be available to my caresses. CHAPTER ELEVEN Once again I admired my courage in taking the initiative, courage that I was given by the real attraction I felt towards Peter, but very much also by the way Peter behaved toward me. I had succeeded in dropping his pants at his feet, and Peter, now completely naked and with his penis wonderfully erect approached me and pulled me to his Mercedes coupe having me sit in the front passenger seat. He then made me sit on. But feelings of being nothing, of being worthless, of feeling like trash are hard to lock away when it turns out they have a spark of truth in them. The mark that was mad, the mark he hates, was made because of her, was made so later more wouldn’t have to be done. She doesn’t want him to see anymore, doesn’t want to do it anymore, but her method is the base line, the first step, the least dangerous way. It’s the first in a line, in a line that has never been past the first step, although every step increases the danger. She doesn’t want him to know, doesn’t want anyone to know. No one needs to know her pain, no one needs to carry her burden, no one but her. It seems like she is trying to keep him at arm’s length, or pushing him away with all she has. When in reality she doesn’t know how to let him in any more than she already has. To let him in any father would be to not know. As of now she has let him in as far as she has let anyone else, so she know how it will feel if he was to.
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