No longer did I have thoughts of acceptance because of my relationship with Bo. Male and female, adults and pups, all related to me with trust and comfort. They allowed me to be intimate. They came for soothing and quiet strokes and napped alongside me, even with a head in my lap. I was nurse when it was needed and they quietly allowed the removal of thorns, burs, and tending to cuts and bruises.I relished the physical contact, soothing, gentle, reassuring, and intimate. My few clothes were wearing out from constant use with improper cleaning and care. The jeans were increasingly ripped and worn thin. My underwear had become useless long ago. The guards’ clothes were fine for coverings, but inadequate for winter and they were uncomfortable being so excessively large.It wasn’t that I was comfortable in my body, I stopped even thinking about it. No mirrors, no reflections. At first it bothered me, the loss of knowing how I looked. It was frightening to think how much we. “Good day, this is Kristol.”“H…hello, Kristol? This is… Katja.”“Katja! Hello! How lovely to hear from you! How are you?”I waited a couple of seconds, then said, “Oh… I’m… fine. How…how are you?”“I’m very well, thank you, Katja.”I paused for a moment, as if uncertain what to say, then took a deep, shivery breath, then made my play. “Kristol?” I said in a timorous voice.“Yes, Katja,” she said, her voice warm.“I got…I got some photos today. They’re…” I stopped.“Yes?”“They’re… disgusting. Oh, why did I go with you and Ivan? Hans wanted to take me home, and I…”“Katja, stop it. Saying ‘If only…’ and resorting to wishful thinking never helps anything.”“But Kristol!” I wailed, “Please don’t let anyone see these, please! They would ruin me… and what would my parents say? Oh…” I didn’t try to pretend to cry but went silent.“Katja, calm down. Ivan has no wish to harm you. But he can be quite persistent about getting the things he wants.“Speaking of which, he’s going to be in Den Hague in two.
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