How foolish this seems when written on the page, but it was how I felt then, and have in modified form continued to feel to this very day.When looking back I suppose most of us can identify certain moments in our lives that have been turning points. Some of those in my life I have already written of. Now I must relate at least two more. The first of those occurred after mother and I had been out together to see Oscar Wilde's play "Lady Windermere's Fan." Arriving home we had a nightcap before going to bed and mother asked, "Bruce am I being selfish?"I was a bit taken aback by her question. "Selfish, how are you being selfish?" Well, I take up so much of your time. It can't be all that much fun taking your mother out."It was really the case that she took me out since she paid for everything, but after digesting what she had said I replied, "I like being with you so why should you think you're being selfish?"Mother had never really questioned my relationships with girls; not that there. Massa, like in the old plantation days when you and your kind knew yourplace. Try it for me, will you?? Jasper wanted tospit. He wanted to scream. He wanted to die. But he thought of his dad. ?Yes, I?ll begood, Massa.? ?I?ll give you acouple of days to settle down to routine. But by Friday say, I want you to be talkinglike a nigger should talk. I want to hear you sounding like a plantation darkie. ?I?s be agood nigger for yo, Massa.? Shit like that. You got that, Snowball?:? Jasper hung hishandsome head. ?Yes, Massa.? ?Good, now wherewere we? Oh yes, get your fuckmeat hard for us!? Jasper stoodthere before the two white men, playing with his sixteen year old black dick. At first itdidn?t want to respond. But he was a teen, so eventually it always did. It grew thicker andlonger, and then was standing out over nine and a half inches long and thick as aflashlight. ?Holy shit, nowonder they sent you here. You must have ruptured those little white girls you raped.You must have.
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