I had nothing left to do so I drove to Helen's Crossroads Diner. Once inside I was greeted by the middle aged waitress. She was the one with tattoos, and for the first time she greeted me like an old friend."Well if it ain't the blond with the big tits," she said softly."In the flesh," I said."Actually in skinny jeans and a baggy sweatshirt," she said correcting me."True enough, do you remember my order or do I need to remind you?" I asked."One egg scrambled soft, bacon, potatoes, and a biscuit and of course Cell block six coffee," she replied with a flirty smile."Of course," I said.She came back several times to check on me. Something sure as hell had changed since my first visit to the diner. She had been almost surly on those first visits. I had no idea what I had done. Hell I didn't really know which I preferred the surly smart mouth waitress or the sweet but needy woman. Humans were just too damn complicated. I think I liked goats better, I mumbled.I began to think of the old. I love mustard.I had no napkin.I licked it off.It was not mustard.No man ever put a baby down faster.It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding out.With a washcloth in each hand, I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do, only I did it on my tongue.Later, after she stopped crying from laughing so hard, my wife said, “Now you know why they call that fancy mustard Poupon”.When you stop laughing, pass it on.This one is from John A.No one believes seniors ... everyone thinks they are senile.An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they’d shared, where Jerry had carved I love you, Sally.On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up.
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