She wore her usual work attire, a navy-blue power-suit with short skirt, her white satin blouse was fully displayed, her suit jacket hung off the back of her office chair. She was standing at her workstation and I had an uninterrupted view of her body. Her full breasts thrust out from her chest, straining the fabric of her blouse, her long legs were clad in ultra-sheer flesh-toned hosiery, her feet shod in black high-heels.Mother's hair and makeup were perfect as usual and I felt myself becoming erect in anticipation."What the fuck do you want?" she looked at me like dogshit on her shoe.I walked casually up to workstation whilst manipulating my iphone."What I want for you is to transfer five thousand pounds to this account number," I tossed my phone on her desk.Bethany's mouth turned down."I knew it would be about the money," she sighed."Oh come on mother; you enjoyed our little soiree in the coffeehouse as much as I did," I reached out and squeezed a buttock.Mother snatched my hand. Too often, my friends say. So regular in my visits, I know all the grave diggers, cemetery care takers by their first names. I, the faithful old dog whose loyalty bridges from here to the homeland of the dead. I pay homage, swig down an elixir of recalled moments, the testament to a miracle of such damnable short duration. Plus one unassailable fact beyond any dispute: here is where I left her. I know the part counted her soul, her spirit is long gone. It is easy though to pretend for a short time my princess, Sarah in Hebrew, princess in my heart, is merely sleeping in our bed, the bed we cuddled in, the bed we made up in, the bed we conceived Emily or Eric in. Her soul, her spirit making her what she was, what I loved have slipped away. I know this on an intellectual level, a spiritual plane. However, a subconscious morsel of intellect, emotion, something beyond rational explanation is nurtured by a most peculiar notion: the refusal to acknowledge her gone, dead. On this little.
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