It would be better if he had her in the flesh, but she had told him that it could never be. Then last night she had sent him her strange message; she was going to send him a friend to play with, someone who lived close to him, and was willing to act out some of the fantasies that Veronica and he had devised."Who is it?" he asked as he stood just inside the door."A friend of a friend," came a soft, girlish voice.Johnny peered through he door's peephole and saw the woman, shivering in her raincoat. She appeared to be in her mid-twenties, but with her head bowed, in shame or fear of detection, he could not easily make out her features. Still, there was something in her presence that reminded him of Veronica's joking, tempting, and naughty word play. Maybe it was they way she stole glances at the door's peephole, like a camera shy teen who tempted the boys to stare and desire. This was not Veronica, but at least she was flesh and blood. She appeared to be as skittish as a trapped doe,. As I rocked her I stated to hum "Erev ShelShoshaneem," "Evening of the Roses," an Israeli love song that has asoothing melody.I must have hummed that song a dozen times. She eventually fell asleep.With the help of her father and mother I put her in her stroller. Theparents thanked me and I started to walk away. There were tears in myeyes. They were flowing by the time I sat down at my chair. A few of theother women whom I am closer to came over to me and asked me what waswrong."This is the first time I held a child this small in decades." You miss that," Esther explained.I nodded my head and blew my nose. "It hurts, but there is more. A babythat small or a woman pregnant hurts."Miriam, who is beginning to show, gave a gasp and held her hand to hermouth. I held her hand."I am still happy for you. My pain and jealousy is usually under control,but please understand that because I am a transwoman I have never nor willever experience the joys of giving birth."That brought Deborah.
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