Radical change made Frank nervous. Radical change in a family member made him overly cautious. Radical change in me scared the hell out of him. You see, everyone in my family had always known that I was the one true black sheep or the one capable of being the blackest sheep ever. Now it appeared that I had chosen to cross that line. At least to Frank it appeared that way, and he didn't like it one bit. It even worried me at times when I lay in bed alone.You see, my Father and Mother had worried about me while I grew up. At times I would do some things that indicated I could be very bad. Perhaps even evil. I knew that I was at times cold blooded far beyond a point most people around me could be. My size didn't let me be afraid of those bigger than me. My mind was the greatest equalizer. Many of the jocks found that out in High School and college ... they learned to leave me well alone always. Cross me and extremely bad things could happen.I never forget good things done for me or bad. ’ I am negotiating the contract. Eve will know in a second that they were not delivering a message. Cheryl does not get phone calls. ‘How can you not know what room she’s in? There’s only, like, five on this floor. Don’t you understand that this is important? That poor baby, it’s gonna come out all fucked-up and shit.’ I can tell them, then Eve. I can even tell Cheryl once the leeches leave. I need to get away from their eyes. Tell them anything. I can feel the reflex as it happens, like a menstrual cramp, inevitable, manifest destiny. Not all people living on Earth have souls. Shambalans try to find the lost sheep. To lead by example, slowly remaking Paradise. I cut off my hair so he can’t use it if he finds me. I did it the minute I got off the bus. I remember the sore, scabby patches on my scalp. They hurt if I was shaky with the scissors.Then from behind me, the cops taking the scissors away. I can see my hair in a pile in the fountain by City Hall, slowly rippling underthe.
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