Talking to her on the netis not the same as just walking to her home and being withher. Rocking a thirty-year-old that needs to be my five-year-old daughter on the net is not the same as she iscrying and fighting sleep in my arms. I need to put her tobed with her stuffed dolls around her so she won?t feelalone and kiss her. I need to read her a Dr. Susse, watchher play on the swings, help her with a puzzle, or have herhelp me make some cookies. Of course she could lick thebowl.There are other issues as well. It is the fact that evenwith HRT and SRS it is only the best that modern medicinecan do. Even then I am still not genetically female. Thereis no way I will ever give birth. The view in the mirror isstill too masculine. I don?t know if I could ever get ridor my beard or the rug that covers my body. I am too tall.My voice is too deep. The hair where I need it is missing.I need to put makeup and look pretty, not like someone whois trying to pass. And if I try to pass I might get. I know you’re used to taking care of yourself, and I respect that. You’ve had to grow up fast, and I’m sure you want to be treated like an adult. I realize I ain’t been a part of your life for a long time.’ He rubbed at his beard, staring at the floor. ‘That’s my fault. After your grandma passed away, Chelsea couldn’t handle it. It was bad enough that our dad died when we were still in high school, but after we lost Mom, too…’ He paused and shook his head. ‘I know Chelsea started running around with some bad people. You might not remember, but I tried to come by your house when I found out your mama was using. She told me to mind my own fucking business. And then her boyfriend came swinging at me with a baseball bat.’ ‘I remember him,’ Doreen said. ‘The meth head.’ Luke raised his head and locked eyes with his niece. ‘I should have done better by you, Doreen. Should have gone to social services and tried to get custody of you. But my marriage was on the rocks, and it seemed like it.
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