"Jimmy please! Please don't yell," she said. I was progressing from angry to insane with rage"Pack your bags, Marianne, you no longer live here," I said, and I stormed out.I drove around for literally hours. I didn't stop even to pee. Finally, there was no holding it back; I had to go; some things won't wait.Spike's Bar and Grill had bathrooms; I used the men's. The place was busy even at noon: lunch crowd, I supposed, the food must have been good. There was a seat at the bar. I took it, ordered a straight shot of Cuervo Silver, and settled in. I was fuming and the Mexican elixir had always been there for me when I was, fuming that is. The barkeep dropped by periodically to see how I was doing. Around three o'clock he asked me for my keys; I gave them to him."I'll get you a cab, man, when you're ready," he said. I nodded without saying anything. I had no place I had to be, and I just wanted the traitorous bitch I'd married to be gone and away from me. Of course you knew that it wasn't. I know you've always beentouchy about your height, but I want you to really think if maybe it'sfrom it being a physical reminder of what you really wanted but felt youcouldn't have? Maybe as hard as you've been pushing back at the feminineworld you've found yourself in these past few weeks, some part of yourmind has been enjoying it, and possibly even been craving it up untilnow? Take a moment and really consider whether the fear you experiencedearlier could have been just your subconscious trying to tell you whatyou already know, that you've been enjoying your time as a little girlfree from responsibilities far more then you ever liked feeling theconstant need to aggressively prove yourself. That perhaps the physicalfeelings of fear you had to the adult world are the only way you felt youcould allow yourself to stay in the juvenile and feminine one you prefer.Tell me, since you began recuperating have you felt any of that old angeror rage that caused you to hit your mother? Is it.
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