"I felt a hand on my wrist. Les was pulling my hand back to her chest. She asked if she had any reason to be afraid of me. I assured her she didn't and she told me to keep doing it.I took care to be professional and keep my feelings out of it. And then I felt her hand on mine, stopping me. "It feels like you're washing a car. Put some feeling into it."I continued only more like before. Sam poured a pitcher of water on her thighs and said she was going to get more water. I started to wash the top half of her legs, using two hands on each one, almost massaging them with the soapy washcloth. She squirmed as I did this.The last place was between her legs. "You're going to have to open up a bit for me, Les."She spread her legs with no hesitation. I took the washcloth and moved it up and down. I could feel the changes of contour as I went up and down her sex. I pulled up and was ready to end off when I felt her hand on my wrist. "That felt god. Could you do it some more? Please?"I moved. Pretend... Isn't there?"I heard my own words suddenly, rebounding out of the past: When have I ever pretended to be anything that I'm not?"You're not normal," Trina hissed, an unknowing echo of my thoughts. "You're fucked up. You have scars. You do weird things that other people don't."I found refuge in defensiveness. "So do you."Trina paused mid-step. "—Why. Yes. Yes, actually. So do I. But at least I don't lie about it." And that somehow makes it better?" I charged. "It's somehow okay that everybody looks at you funny because you deserve it? 'Oh, it's no problem that I'm actually in therapy, because I'm so fucked up, I ought to be!' "Trina froze in place, her face speculative, as if I had suddenly said something interesting. "Ah, yes. Therapy. The vaunted family therapy. Tell me, Arie. Is it truly worth the effort?" What?" I said. The floor was dropping out from under me. "What do you mean?" We go in every week... Over dinner we hear Mother complaining about how much money it.
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