When he was at the office, I cleaned myself and made me presentable (waxing and stuff).Saturday morning my brother came into my room and wished me. Then he said that it was a shame that he had to cancel the party that he had planned looking at my condition. I said it’s fine. I thanked him and hugged him, making sure his hand would brush against my left boob a little. He instantly withdrew his hands and looked at me.I calmly said, “It’s fine, Aadi. I know you didn’t do it intentionally.” He sighed with an awkward smile. To make it more awkward for him, I took my brother’s right hand, placed it on my breast again and pressed his hand with my hand, and said, “And I wouldn’t mind even if you do it intentionally, Aadi.”He didn’t know what was happening. He still said, “Don’t, Zee, this is not right”.“Said who?” I countered.He, with a puzzled look, was stammering something, maybe looking for words.I knew this was my chance for the monologue and I said,“Aadi, I don’t know what’s right or. To see how far we’re comfortable to go. And, baby, it kinda freaked me out and frightened me.” There was an almost desperate, pleading look on her face as she carried on. “First the sex with Luther on Saturday night, and then the way I responded to Dee when she toyed with me and tormented me last night. It really frightened me, honey. Because I loved it so much. Saturday and last night, I was lost, I was totally out of control. Totally in thrall to Luther and Dee. I’d have pretty much let them do anything they wanted to me. And that frightens me. It’s so different from who I’ve been all of my life. So different to the picture I have of myself, to my self-image…” Jill was still speaking, but I grasped her hands in mine and stopped her, knowing exactly what I needed to tell her. The words she needed to understand, to better understand. “Honey, you and I have spent the last twenty years spending half our time being mum and dad and the other half being the best-damned employees we can.
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