Thats what he told himself. He did his best but his best was not good enough. He was never that good at taking care of people. Hell, come to think of it, he was really bad at taking care of himself either. Absentmindedly, he touched the scar that was splitting his left eyebrow in neat halves. People spend time in front of their mirrors with electric razors, carefully designing those stylish scars. Benjamin earned his the old fashioned way. He moved his finger further back up and felt another scar in his hair. It came as a free addition, no extra charge. He was no caregiver. Never imagined hed be one. He was better at taking than giving, anyway and early in life he decided he should be caring only about himself. So there was a lot of irony and frustration going around the house these last months and weeks. He sucked one final long smoke from the cigarette before throwing it out of the window. He didnt switch the light off so the room looked strange with sunlight and electric light. As they entered the central aisle to leave, the man turned to look with a big smile on his face, proud of what he had in his hand. Whenever they tell this story, Anita's eyes always glaze over with excitement.With this in mind, and my heart pounding in my chest, I started exaggerating my stroking to clarify what I was doing under my covers. I was still playing possum, pretending my actions were independent of anything Anita was doing.I used long slow strokes. I was encouraged when she started rubbing the area just under her breasts. This wasn't the unconscious movements of a sleeping person but the deliberate self-stimulation of a horny woman.I still was unsure of this game. True, the exhibitionist in me wanted her to watch me beat off. The voyeur in me wanted to watch her stroke to climax. What if I was wrong, and she was acting privately, believing we were all sleeping. I could ruin our friendship if I acted too boldly.I wanted further proof we were interacting. I faked a stretch.
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