The mom asks, “Why on earth do you need that?”The little boy replies, “isn’t that what you give daddy when HIS shit won’t get hard?!”This compliments of Mario MComplaints to wife and replyTo My Dearest Wife,During the past year, I have attempted to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of only once every 10 days. The following is a list of why I didn’t succeed more often:We will wake the kids - 54 timesIt’s too late - 15 timesI’m too tired - 42 timesIt’s too early - 12 timesIt’s too hot - 18 timesPretending to be asleep - 31 timesThe neighbors will hear - 9 timesHeadache or backache - 26 timesSunburn - 10 timesYour mother will hear us - 9 timesNot in the mood - 21 timesWatching the late show - 17 timesToo sore - 26 timesNew hairdo - 6 timesWrong time of the month - 14 timesYou had to go to the bathroom - 19 timesOf the 36 times that I DID succeed, the result was not always satisfying because 6 times you just laid there, 8 times you reminded me that. It was one of those old circuses, with the sexy 14 year old trapeze girls and battered elephants too dumb with beatings to mind the crowd much. There was a vacant lot in the center of town, where the old folks home stands now, and not much ever transpired there, save a few events, one of which was the circus and the other was the time a coon wandered up the lone tree in the center of the field. I recall the lone coon, as my dad had prize coon hounds back then, and we lived only a few stray and narrow streets away and so, and so … We hooked up the grizzled and scarred only walker dog, not the plot, ’cause walkers have more dignity, and down we went to the lone coon in the lone tree in the lone town. And the dog saw the lone coon in the lone tree in the lone town and raised hell like it was Saturday night at the Pub, with drinks half price. And people came and gawked like squalid zombies from scuttle dry crypts at the walker that ripped at the lone tree, to get at the lone coon, in the.
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