." David said as he motioned to a display lighting up on the wall to his right.The screen showed an area near Oodnadatta, Australia. A metal ramp could be seen on the left side of the screen. Three humanoid figures descended the ramp; they wore what appeared to be green environmental body armor complete with an opaque face shield and breathing masks. The lead figure was slightly taller than the other two. The smaller two walked with a feminine grace and held some sort of sensor device in front of them. The smallest of the three also carried what appeared to be a gun in her right hand and was looking around for threats. Suddenly the larger of the two females stopped and pointed her device to her left.The leader of the trio drew a weapon from his side as the smaller female crouched down and pointed her weapon in the direction the other was pointing. "Whoever you are, step out from behind the rubble with your hands up," the leader stated, his voice distorted and mechanical sounding.The. I keep playing through what I did or where I went wrong but I keep coming blank then swap into these horrible bouts of self-loathing for not doing better at whatever the fuck was wrong. I keep thinking of him too. What he might be doing right now and constantly wondering if he is thinking of me at all. If he even cares about me to begin with? Etc, etc, etc. Insert standard sadness shit here, blah... As you know, I struggle with trying to distract myself with other tasks or activities that might help take my mind off how unworthy I feel - and how much wine I've consumed in recent months - but nothing is helping. I can't even find someone who is willing to hold me for longer than a few hours, without it being in between meaningless sex. Hell, at this point, even a friend would be nice. Someone I can just talk to who would be willing to listen and make sure I don't die from alcohol poisoning - or loneliness, whichever gets me first. I don't know how in the world I got to this point in.
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