Should I say that I hadn’t grown out of it? No, that was stupid. But whether I’d intended it or not I think she got the message that I couldn’t decide whether to convey. She looked down my body.A man eighteen years her junior, but still very much a man, had just tacitly admitted that he “fancied” her, if you could use such a juvenile word for it and indeed I think it might have made her feel youthful.I’m sure she spent her teenage years living to be fancied and call it nostalgia or desire but unspoken feelings passed between us.I slipped down from the counter top to stand inches from her, not yet kissing her but brushing my cheek against hers and smelling her hair, she leaned her head on my shoulder.This wasn’t the urgent and raging desire that might grip a pair who had suddenly realised they needed to fuck and could use each other, but bizarrely tender. The culmination of a lifelong sexual desire fuelled by her maturity throughout my life, and from the other direction, a yearning. I started to feel too old, believe it or not. Guys want to see young eighteen or nineteen-year old chicks fucking, not some twenty-seven-year old, although I think that's changing. On a lot of the skin flicks we did, the feature increasingly became some little cunt actress that was only eighteen or so. Andre was very careful about the age of the young actresses; he checked their age several different ways before doing anything with them."I said, "That age thing depends on the guy." I grinned at each of the women. Terry and the other men nodded in agreement.Claire continued, "I'd fucked dozens of guys – maybe even hundreds, and supposedly they were all checked out –medically, I mean; nonetheless, I figured I was playing roulette with STDs and AIDS. To my knowledge, I was the only player who didn't contract something. I tried to be careful, washing a lot, douching, and stuff like that – even between scenes. I became obsessive about it and used strong detergents even though they made me.
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