Was I being dominated? Was I submitting? And it created a feeling of pure, unadulterated ecstasy which was heightened all the more as I took the time to process it later on. I had taken him in. In his quest to dominate me, I stole what I could of him because I had taken him in. I robbed and used him unlike the way he robbed and used me for his own enjoyment. I owned part of him - only a part of him, because I am not greedy – by giving him all of me. I have always taken the greatest pleasure in things, in retrospect. The unrelenting thinking and my labyrinthine brain. I oscillate again. I am in a constant dialectic of hating my thoughts and loving them. Pain and pleasure. La douleur exquise. I want more pain, more pleasure. I want to give him every immeasurable psychological inch of me this time, no wavering, no drifting, no volition. The more I give, the less I will be lost. There will be nothing left to adulterate my self-awareness. As for my Master, his responsibility is great,. Trust me on that. Let us happen. I'm not going anywhere and I'm not putting you out. We could end up great lovers; we could end up great friends. We have a lot of time to work on it. Are you with me?"Gail nodded her head as she teared up a little."The last thing I want to do is push you away. I need you as a friend and a lover right now. Please be patient with me." She said quietly."You're not pushing me away. Don't TRY to do anything. Let it happen. Think about it; you had no relationships for 7 years and before that, they were based on sex, you've never worked a full time job, and you're on the brink of landing an 80 THOUSAND dollar a year job. Your plate is full and everything is happening fast. Sit back and enjoy the good fortune you've found. Think about how proud your Mom and sister would be of you. They might even approve of me." I said as I smelled our dinner that I needed to check on.I went to move toward the over to check on things but she held my arm with a death grip to.
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