Suddenly she was stirring. My heart jumped into my throat. She was groggy and didn't seem too clear what was happening. But she looked down and realized what I was doing. "We can't..." she said, still waking up."Why not?" I asked. "I love you more than anyone in the world. And it's just us here, no one has to know." But, I'm not a lesbian." She said."You don't have to be. You only need to enjoy being touched by someone who loves you, like I do. So much." She paused and seemed to consider it. "It has been a long time since I've been touched..." she said."I want to make you feel good. Please?"She smile. "Our secret," she said, laying back down next to me.I nodded. I couldn't believe it! It was like 100 Christmas mornings all at once! I lifted her gown again and rubbed her gently, watching the expression change on her face as I pleasured her. Her vagina was warm and soft, the skin pliable and pleasant to play with. Touching her was like playing a sensitive instrument. I loved how her. You're a girl now. You're Ruth. There's no escaping that fact. The choiceis yours: cope with it or lose your mind.The despondency ebbs enough for me to sit up, swing my feet to the floorand take a series of very deep breaths. There will be no repeat of thenear breakdown I suffered when I first arrived at Tower House. It seemsI'm made of sterner stuff these days.After all, nothing has changed during the last few hours. I've been a girlfor nearly five months, and if I'm honest with myself becoming male againwould take quite a lot of getting used to.But I always thought this story would have a different ending. Often thatwas the one thing that stopped me from giving up altogether.I walk across to the wash basin and rinse my face. The eyes looking backat me from the mirror are clouded but composed. The time forrecriminations has not yet come. If I want to preserve my sanity I mustfirst learn to accept my situation, to view being female as a challenge,not a curse.Easy to promise, so very.
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