Fowziyah was…different. This chick had a hundred pictures. Shots of her holding a paintball gun while playing with friends in the snow. Shots of her holding a bow and arrow. Shots of her playing rugby with some other girls, all of whom wore the hijab. Damn. I wasn’t expecting that. I saw pictures of her with guys, regular-looking, non-bearded, and very western-looking guys. Not the bearded and conservatively dressed Muslim dudes I expected. Cool. I was about to click off for the evening when I got a PM from Fowziyah. Curious, I opened the chat feature, and sent her a greeting. As Salam Alaikum my friend, Fowziyah typed, by way of greeting. Aku Salam, I replied, thankful for all the time I’d spent in Lebanese restaurants in Laval. I love Lebanese cuisine and made friends with a lot of guys from that part of the world, thus I have a working knowledge of Arab culture and Islam. Of course, I knew next to nothing about Somalis. We have a few in Montreal but they exist in greater numbers. I couldn't believe in myself, which was so risky, so all I'd been doing was running away emotionally. Still running away the same as I'd done all those years ago. I couldn't keep running forever, could I? There had to be some way I could believe in myself. But how? I don't know how long I cried, it seemed like a short eternity, but finally there were no more tears, I was cried out. After a while I stood and went to the bathroom, getting a drink of water and looking in the mirror. I was a mess, hair all askew from sleep, eyes puffy, cheeks red. I shook my head - Stop it! - and ran the water for a hot bath. I sat in the tub and let the hot water relax me. I thought about how it had been for me all those years ago, stuff I hadn't thought about, purposefully had avoided even looking at in my mind's eye, for so many years. So much water under the bridge, was I going to let that always hold me back? I'd not let anything stop me from transitioning, from transforming my life in ways that few.
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